An Open Letter to Merv Griffin, Entertainment Business Magnate and Creator of Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune

Dear Merv (or Merv's secretary, or Merv's fan club volunteer),

I'm sure you get this all the time, but I just have to do this. [Deep breath. OK, here we go.] I have a great game show idea for you. This show requires a bit of background information, however, so please allow me to explain:

I'm pregnant with my first child. Like many new mothers-to-be, I have subscribed to a number of automatic e-mail updates from baby websites. The websites typically send information once a week, alerting me to the changes that are occurring inside me. The websites vary in every way possible: their level of detail, their humor content (or lack thereof), their sponsors, and their layout. However, this week (week 16) they all had one thing in common: they announced that I may start to feel the baby move this week.

Yes, I know. Momentous, right?

Unfortunately, this alert was quickly followed by a discouraging caveat. It was worded differently each time, but the message was the same: Don't get too excited, it could just be gas.

Yes, I know. Total letdown.

So now, here I am, trying to be casual about my newfound internal-working alertness. Wait, what was that? [Body tenses] Oh, it's just my stomach growling because I haven't had breakfast yet. [Sigh and exhale] Be cool, Becky. Be cool. The e-mails said you probably won't feel anything now, just that you could. But I digress.

You're wondering where the game show comes in, aren't you? Well, let me tell you. The show would take three first-timers like me and hook them up to a secret ultrasound machine. Then, they'd have to guess if the tremors inside were gas or the baby! I know! It's perfect! I'll let you take care of the details regarding wins and losses, but here's one idea that I just have to blurt out. The loser shouldn't go home empty-handed - you could give them a lifetime's supply of Beano! Oh, and one more thing - you should call it "Is It Gas?" Cool. Catchy. Concise.

Before I close, let me just say that I don't even need to be credited with the idea. All I ask is that you let me be one of your first contestants.

Thank you for your consideration,
Mrs. B. Stecktastic