Some simple rules for a positive karaoke experience.

I have been blessed with many things in my life, but a nice singing voice is not one of them. I can carry a tune, sure, but that doesn't mean you'd want to hear me sing. For one, my voice is in a frustratingly low range. This means I could never sing along to 'girl songs' as a kid. My mom raised me on musicals, but I'd usually take the guy part in a duet. (You should hear me sing "Close Every Door" from "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I put Donny Osmond to shame.) And, let's not forget that my voice isn't necessarily nice to listen to, either. Sadly, these problems are constantly at war with my love for belting out songs at the top of my lungs. My shower has heard miraculous feats of vocal dexterity. I am comfortable being all-time singer during a session of Rock Band. Microphones excite me (though they also amplify me beyond necessary regions). So naturally, I love karaoke.

Here's the thing about karaoke (and maybe a bit about myself): I'm very judgemental when it comes to karaoke, and I really only like good karaoke. I don't want to sit through a night of bad karaoke. Then again, no one does. However, I think I have discovered the secret to good karaoke: you need to find YOUR KARAOKE SONG. So, being a practical and generous individual, I have decided to share with you my set of 4 simple rules (and a couple additional suggestions) to help you determine your karaoke song.

Rule 1: The song must be in your singing range. Yes, this rules out "Friends in Low Places" for many, many people.
Rule 2: The song must be short. Sorry, I don't want to sit through "American Pie", and you probably don't remember all the words to it anyway.
Rule 3: The song must be up-tempo. I know you can sing Patsy Cline's "Crazy", but doing so will only make me crazy.
Rule 4: The song cannot be "Love Shack". Remember, we're looking for YOUR karaoke song. "Love Shack" is the collective song that represents karaoke, but it should never be an individual's song. Trust me, someone else will sing it, and then I give you permission to sing along.

So, those are the must-follow rules. Easy, right? Now, if you want to take my advanced karaoke-and-you course, here are some additional guidelines to help you on your way:

Guideline 1: Aim for a song that most people know. I'm sure you'll do a wonderful job with "Elephant Stone" (The Stone Roses), but no one will sing along with you. And for a good karaoke experience, you want audience participation.
Guideline 2: Look for a song with opportunities for adding flair. That flair might be a country twang in your voice or a sweet dance move you perfected in your bedroom (thanks, D'Qwon). But, that flair will take you to the next level.
Guideline 3: Be ready with an encore. Once people hear your karaoke perfection, they'll want to hear you again. Don't overdo it, though; two songs is plenty for one night. You want to leave them begging for more, not begging for the door.

So, that's all there is to it. I'm sure you're curious to know my karaoke song, but I don't give in so easily. My husband's song is ever better than mine, but then again he is an actual singer... If you want to hear our personal karaoke anthems, you'll have to invite us out. You will not be disappointed.